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  • Marilyn & Al Sargent

But, That's Not Fair!

Updated: Jun 15, 2018

How do you determine what's fair?

Does Fair Mean Equal

How do you determine what's fair? What is the category of focus for decision making regarding the rules of fair? Does fair mean equal?


In a game or sport there are certain sets of rules that govern the playing.

As a child we have uttered the title statement more than once! We have a developmental stage around nine to twelve years old when we view the world around us by a certain set of rules, made up by self and if those rules are violated, we hear the all to common wail of "That's not fair!"


Story of Gifts

I had a client, who recalled their Christmas's growing up and how 'unfair' the gift giving seemed to be. That is until she became a parent herself and truly understood where the rules of gift giving were in her childhood. As a child, she recalls looking at her younger brothers 'loot and huge stash' of Christmas gifts compared to her few small gifts. It was totally unfair! She felt hurt, betrayed and unloved.

Now, as an adult, she can look back and realize that the gifts her younger brother got were based more on his age and therefore less expensive and her parents could get him more for the same amount of money that they spent on her. Her gifts were of higher quality and more appropriate for her age and cost more, therefore, she got less.


So was it fair? Equal? Both?

In a sense it was equal based on the fact that they spent the same amount of money on each of them. And fair based on the gifts were appropriate for each of their respective ages.


In a game or sport there are certain sets of rules that govern the playing. These include the number of players, rules of play, penalties for breaking the rules and benefits for following the rules. Everyone playing is informed of these rules. When the rules are respected or abided by - no problem. If can be a fierce competition or a game just for fun - playing fair keeps it balanced and enjoyable for players and spectators alike.


When someone tries to cheat, they are ejected from the game, or there is a penalty. If someone inadvertently makes a mistake - there are still consequences.


Experience + Knowledge = Wisdom!


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Marilyn: 310-729-5664

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